Too much of what we call love is really the love-for-the-fish analogy. We call this love but when you carve away a bit, in many cases its two people thinking about their own needs.
When a woman and a man fall in love, what does it mean? It often means that they see in each other someone who can satisfy their physical and emotional needs. Much of what we think of as love is revealed for what it truly is through this love-for-the-fish analogy. Do not tell me you love fish, you love yourself and, since you like its taste, you pulled it out of the water, killer and boiled it." That's why you pulled it out of the water, boiled and killed it. This understanding can offer us a stepping stone to understanding and starting to embody true confidence in our lives. It inspired me to write this blog and outline the differences between authentic and inauthentic love. Not long ago I watched a YouTube video about a simple yet strikingly powerful story. Spiritual teachings articulate finding a sense of self as, “learning to love others as we love ourselves”.
As I say in my first book, Stella’s Mum Gets Her Groove Back (chapter 11, page 225), a sense of self can be achieved when we learn what authentic love means and when we apply that unconditional love to ourselves first and foremost. What is the real foundation of confidence? And why is real confidence in our lives, relationships and work (the three are interwoven, not exclusive of each other) so challenging to achieve? My 20 years of training, self-development and determined search for confidence, have taught me that the foundation of being a confident man or woman is a solid sense of self. It involves attitudes, beliefs and behaviours that often aren’t innate gifts and need to be nurtured, practiced and/or acquired. There are many complexities and a spectrum of meanings within the definition of confidence. After many years of learning what the real meaning of confidence is, I recognise myself as an expert in this specific aspect.Ĭonfidence is not as simple as it seems. I’ve worked with several clients on confidence (or lack thereof). What is Authentic Love and How Can Understanding It Make Us More Confident?
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